Welcome

Hosting is so much fun! I honestly love having people in my home, sharing a meal together and getting to see where the conversation leads. And you should be excited about it too! The best thing that I can tell you if you want to learn about hosting is that it’s a skill you can learn. It’s something that I am still learning. But I would encourage you that it will be so worth the time and effort and even the mistakes when you see people laughing, crying or making memories together.

I would like to say that it’s definitely okay to be intimidated if you are. Hosting can be pretty scary to start if you’ve never done it before. I was definitely scared at first. It’s a vulnerable thing to do to open your home and invite people into your space. In a way they are seeing part of your heart and that can feel unsafe. But just like Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability takes courage,” so have courage as you host. Have courage to not know exactly what you are doing. Have courage to make mistakes with recipes or not have the perfect apartment, or plan something that goes completely bad. I think everyone has been there and you get to see all of those experiences as learning opportunities. And you will learn from them and you will grow and become a better host because you did. So first things first, don’t be scared and have fun in the process of learning. We’ve all been there.

One thing that used to really intimidate me about hosting or having people over was I felt that I had to have everything perfect for them to come. I am a person who likes to do things all or nothing. So when I thought about having people over, I thought that I needed to make this beautiful meal and have my apartment fully cleaned and the right activities planned. But one time I went to a party that my friend was hosting and I watched how easy she made it look. She bought all these premade snacks and just put them out on the table, she put on some good music in the background and then invited a bunch of people over. The night ended up being so much fun. I remember telling her after that she made hosting look possible. It wasn’t perfect, but it was all we needed that night. She told me that her mom was a really good host but she always went above and beyond on everything and it made hosting exhausting. So she decided that she would do it differently and make it something that she would want to do again. So she made it simple. Hearing this for some reason just took so much of the pressure off for me. I realized that I didn’t have to make homemade hummus in order to invite my friends over, but I could just make it simple and make it something that I could do again. It almost set the bar lower for hosting as a starting point and a place that felt doable, and from there I could change or add things if I wanted.

From there, here’s a few practical tips I’ve learned about being a host and observing other people as they are hosting:

It’s funny, but music and candles are important. They totally set the mood and having the right music playing the background can totally make or break an event. Even if I am having a few friends over, I always try to make it a point to have music playing.

Clean is good, but you don’t have to be spotless. People really won’t care about the cups in your sink or if you have a few papers laying around. Honestly I think it makes your home seem more lived in and not like you are trying to put on a show. The thing to remember with cleaning and with all of hosting is that you are not trying to perform for your guests but you are trying to care for them. In everything that you are doing, ask yourself if it is a show for you or is it telling them that they are loved and cared for. So when I think about cleaning I want my space to say that they are welcomed and that I took some time to prepare for them to come over and I want them to feel comfortable. But I’m not trying to hide my life from them, or present them with this perfect picture of myself and the way I live. So always ask the question of am I putting on a show or am I caring for this person or these people.

This is also random but it’s always good to have things on hand that you can share with your friends. I like to keep a big stash of different types of teas in my cabinet that I can offer people. But even if you don’t have something, it makes a huge difference to just offer someone a water when they come in. I can’t tell you how many times I have gone somewhere and it just makes such a difference when someone offers a drink. And that’s easy, anyone can offer a glass of water.

It's also helpful to take some time before people come over and just think about the evening. Think and pray for the people that are coming over. Who they are, what’s going on in their lives and how they might connect with the other people that are coming? It’s been so helpful when I take a few minutes to do this and brainstorm conversation starters or introductions. It’s also helpful to think of a few conversation topics that are neutral and everyone can contribute to. It’s also easy to default to surface level conversations but asking people really good questions and listening to them will care for their soul and make them feel known and loved when they are in your home.

I don’t think that games are always necessary at an event or even at a dinner, but I will say that they are helpful for breaking the ice or making people feel comfortable. I have also seen that it takes the pressure off the conversation and gives people something else to focus on. I think this can be helpful to also take the focus off of drinking and alcohol at an event. I don’t drink and I don’t love events or dinners where everything is centered on alcohol. I think the main reason people want to drink is that they want to feel more comfortable and relaxed, so I’m found that having an activity that breaks the ice can help people relax in a different way. It’s also a little more difficult to host without alcohol and you need to be more creative, but it can be done.

Don’t do it all yourself, have people contribute. I think it’s both helpful when you are hosting and it makes your guests feel like they are contributing instead of just receiving when they have an opportunity to bring something to the meal. I love potluck style dinners because they are easy to host and it’s such a beautiful way to see people come together. I did this one time for a Friendsgiving and I just made the turkey (spoiler it wasn’t really turkey it was a rotisserie chicken I pulled apart haha) but then I asked all my friends to bring their favorite side dish and dessert. People were excited about what they brought, it gave them something to talk about when they came, and it took the pressure off of me to try and cook everything. I remember I had a friend say that night that I looked so calm for hosting. I turned to her and said there really wasn’t anything to be anxious about because everyone had brought it all. I just got to enjoy the people and the night with everyone.

Last but certainly not least is to Pray! Pray before the evening gets started, pray for the people that are coming into your home and pray during the evening. I think meals are such a large part of what it means to be the church and the body of Christ together. To sit down and feast on good food, friendship, celebration and wonderful conversation. These types of evenings only happen when you ask the Lord to be present and to guide your conversation. I have asked God to bring people together when I was nervous that they wouldn’t get along, that he would show me if we needed to play a game or maybe just sit and talk for a little longer. Pray that he would really nourish the food to your body and that fellowship would nourish the souls of your guests. Because no matter what, even if you are sitting on the floor, eating take out on paper plates all those things don’t really matter. What matters is that you are showing others the Gospel by bringing them into your home and loving them and meeting them where they are. Engaging them in conversation over food and drink and listening and caring about them. Which is exactly what Jesus did. He invited us to his table and gave us the bread and wine of life and showed us that He loved and cared for us and was willing to meet us where we were and love us completely.