To Hinge or not to Hinge

Let's talk dating apps...

I wrote this a few months ago! Decided to share it with you now.

So let’s get right to the point, I downloaded the app. My sister mentioned it in a conversation and I decided that quarantine would be a good time to try out a dating app and see what’s up. Funny story is that one of my best friends from college texted me 5 days later asking “Have you ever considered the online dating scene?” She was trying to decide if it was a good idea for her. I was actually laughing out loud as I responded. I quickly texted her back and asked if we could call and I would tell her my thoughts. Here’s what I said.

First, I explained why I hadn’t done it before. Pride. I had this awful thought that I was better than an app. And I really didn’t want to meet someone on it. I wanted the “meet cute” that they get in the movies where there eyes meet in the coffee shop. When I actually said this out loud to my sister, she pushed back and asked me why I thought that. Or why it was any different than being set up. I guess to me it seemed unromantic and I didn’t want to have to tell people that’s how I met someone. But here’s where I’m at now. Lindsey needed to be humbled. I’m not too good for an app and God can use any means he wishes to bring people together.

Next, I like thinking about online dating like a party. And all the single people in my area are invited. The party is called “single and ready to mingle” and when you walk in you get a name tag that has a few fun facts about you. Then you get to decide who you want to talk to at the party. When I thought about it like that, I was like heck yeah I would totally go to that party if I was invited. And I would be excited to meet someone there.

The second part was recognizing God’s sovereignty. If he is really in control than he is also in control of our technology and he can use it for his glory. And what if God was at this party and he came up to me when I arrived and said, "hey Lindsey, there’s some people at this party that I want you to meet." I would be stoked. So I prayed as I downloaded that God would introduce me to the people he wanted me to meet.

I have to say that it has brought up a lot of things in my life and taught me so much in just a few days. So I had to gush it all to my friend.

First it’s been teaching me about my identity in Christ. Even when I was first crafting my profile and choosing pictures and questions I had to check my heart about how I was trying to portray myself and if I was being the real me. Was I showing who I really am and who God has made me to be or the version that I thought would get more responses.

It’s also easy to quickly get wrapped up in finding your identity in what guys think about you or the responses you get. It’s like Instagram on steroids. Because a “like” doesn’t just mean cute picture, it means cute picture and I might be interested. Eyes bug out, heart thumping in chest. So I’ve found that I have to do a lot of heart inventory. Which is true in any dating situation. I have to ask, do I just want to be desired or have someone interested?

It’s also been really good to see what type of guys are out there. Having not been on many dates in my life it’s easy to think that there’s only one athletic, Christian, funny guy out there and if I miss him it’s all over. But he’s not the only one. And there’s lot of attractive thoughtful guys who love Jesus and actually live near me. Which leads me to another thought is that I’ve had the opportunity to think about what I am actually looking for in a guy. Not just that he’s interested. What are the essential qualities that I want in a guy? And to have these standards as I am liking people. Am I just liking someone because I think he’s cute or would I like his profile if I didn’t see any pictures? Or if my sister or someone who knows me well was doing this for me would they like this guy or pick him for me. So those have been some helpful guidelines.

I’ve also really wanted to do it prayerfully and inviting God into the whole process. Asking him who I should like. Guarding my heart when I get really excited about a guy and praying for guys that I say yes or no to. Confessing as I feel convicted and repenting and turning to Him in faith. It’s like walking a tightrope rope my friends.

I also quickly realized that it’s vulnerable. You are really putting yourself out there to like someone who may not like you back and what would that mean. There’s a chance of getting hurt. And I quickly realized that it’s not true just of online but all of dating requires vulnerability. And I like what Brene Brown says that “you just have to pick yourself up and get back in the ring”… or something like that.

It’s also really funny when you come across people you know on there. And it’s like the awkward moment at the party where you see them and you have to decide if you are going to acknowledge that you both came to the singles party or avoid eye contact all night. Lol.

I’ve also realized that I can still have high standards. I was getting a little disappointed when I felt like guys said they were Christian but nothing in there profile revealed that. So I clicked on a few who were “Christian” but God pushed me to go further and I found out that there are guys who are actually willing to be bold about their faith. To say I’m looking for a girl who loves Jesus!! Helloooo!!! Which is so cool because if I am really looking for a guy who is wanting to get married, heck yes I want him to be up front about that!

It’s also taught me a lot of listening. Since I’ve been talking to God I’ve asked him when he wants me to look at the app and when he wants me to put it away. Sometimes I don’t agree but he’s teaching me obedience through it.

I also like that I am doing this right now during quarantine. It’s funny because sometimes I ask where all the good guys are right now. And I actually know where they are! They are all at home and doing the same thing. They aren’t out at the football game or dinner. They’re at home. So there’s a higher percentage of guys on it right now. Also, there’s probably more guys that I am looking for. Because honestly I want someone who in their single life is on mission running after God in his life. And filling his time with good things. And I understand that when you’re doing that you have a longing in your heart but you don’t stop long enough to look around and see who’s running after Jesus with you. But this whole stop has made us all slow down and for me I’m taking the time to see who is running the race well. I have more time now to think and pray about the person I would want to be with. Time to actually go through profiles and read them. Time to be prayerful about it.

I also don’t think it’s a magic bullet. And there’s a big chance that I won’t find anyone through it. But it’s teaching me so much.

I’ve also had this longing on my heart and I know that I desire a relationship. And God gave me this thought tonight of “2 minutes” for singleness. You see when I played soccer in High School we used to have this code phrase after any goal was scored, we would shout “2 minutes.” We were supposed to play the next two minutes all out like they were the last two minutes of the game. And you know that you play differently in the last two minutes than the rest of the entire game. And God gave me that idea for my singleness. He said play like there’s two minutes. And he didn’t say that there was and he didn’t tell me how much time was on the clock. But all he said was play like there’s two minutes and I will watch the clock. And I think I really needed that. Because this longing in my heart has grown, online dating has shown that it’s possible and part of me wants the game to end. Or I just really want to know how much time is left so I can know if I should sprint or jog. And he’s saying sprint. Until I stay stop. Sprint like there’s two minutes left and I will tell you when it’s over. And he knows my heart, he’s a good father and I can trust him. So I am going to play like there’s two minutes left in the game.