Paul

I came into this semester with a question - Do I trust Paul? So much of our world and our church feels divided over his teaching. So I felt like I really needed to ask, can I trust him?

But I’ve realized that that’s actually not my question. It’s really, can I trust Jesus? Can I trust the gospel?

A few months ago I got a call from my mom. She had just finished a Sunday School class my dad was teaching on Paul. And it was on a passage that is really challenging. She was feeling convicted about a passage and said, “Lindsey, this is what the Bible says and we haven’t been following.” And I remember hearing it and feeling like I got hit by a train. I almost started crying right in the middle of Walmart. Because that would mean some significant things for my own life. And I know she didn’t mean it but it felt like a new law. Without the context of the Bible study, it felt like there are all these new rules Paul gives and we need to follow them.

And this is what Paul’s teaching can feel like without the gospel. So that’s what we have to go back to. The same thing he started each letter with. A reminder that he is writing from the gospel. A servant of Christ. The good news that the king of heaven and earth would leave the riches of heaven to come down to earth. Love as a man and die on a cross and rise again. All the while thinking of you and me. All so that he could be in relationship with us. To love us.

That is our motivation and the glasses we use to look at Paul’s teaching. The same glasses Paul was wearing.

Do I trust Jesus? This carpenter man who died for me. Do I trust that He loves me, He wants the best for me? That He wants my flourishing? That He has spoken through His word? And that all of the commands He has given are a way to lead me to receive more of Him?

Because that’s what I want. I want Him. He is so good. He is gentle and lowly and I want more. I want to be in the center of His will because it means I get to be with Him.

And that’s what leads me to obedience. Because his kindness leads me to repentance. I will lay everything down and follow Him.

In my conversation with my mom I didn’t have on the eyes of the gospel and it felt like a new law. And we either die trying to keep it or feel crushed by the weight of it.

But we live remembering that we are fully loved and saved, not by our work but the blood of Jesus. He calls us further up and further in and I want to get as close to Him as possible.

The Paul class has left me feeling like there is so much I don’t know about the Bible and Paul’s teaching. It’s confusing and hard. And in a lot of ways it’s felt out of my comfort zone.

I was comfortable in the gospels and even the Old Testament. Paul feels like new territory.

And this class has felt like immersion in Paul. In a lot of ways it has felt like learning a new language. It’s challenging, and sometimes you misunderstand, and you have to go back to the basics. And sometimes it can feel discouraging. I don’t want to learn more, it’s too challenging and I’d rather not dig in. And it’s forced me to really think about what I believe in a way that I wouldn’t have done if I was just doing my own study on Paul in America on my own. Just like learning a new language would have been easier to practice Duolingo in my free time.

But I have been reminded that it is relationship that motivates me to press in when it’s hard.

Yesterday I met a friend at the gym I’m going to. And I’m meeting all these people who speak a little English and a lot of Italian. And every time I walk in I’m motivated to practice my language skills. Because I want to know them. I want to be friends with them and hangout and talk. And it’s challenging and hard and requires study and misunderstanding. But I have new friends. And today I walked home with a girl and I asked her to practice Italian with me as we walked. Because I want to know her. And I want to know the people who don’t speak English. I want a relationship with them.

I’m motivated to know the Bible more, not so I can get it all right, or have all the answers. But because I want to know God more. I want to communicate with him reading his word and hearing from him and talking with him. Spending time with him and being shaped into his image. So that’s why I am pressing in. And why I am practicing my Italian. Because I want a deeper relationship.

I had another conversation with my mom this weekend and she said, “Lindsey, remember, the Bible is a love letter written to you. Go find out what he said.”